Accepting Unjust Criticism with Grace

Originally posted at Keturah's Korner 

How can one use criticism to grow instead of break down and feel condemned? How can you master pride yet keep your self-worth, even if you are right?

Impossible it seems.

It's a very hard thing… It's easier if you are actually wrong – or at least the answer is easier to give. Haha.

Just get over yourself. Accept the correction. Just change.

But when you aren't wrong?

(And when you are truly not in denial)

I think most of us will find ourselves facing this one time or another. But not often – because normally, let's face it. We are wrong. We deserve the criticism. And even if there is wrong on the other side, there is usually just as much fault if not more on our side.

But there will be those few times when this is not the case. And this can be very hurtful, and even discouraging if the people accusing are very close, yet not open to what's true.

Still we need to remember a few things, so we don't join the wrong side. Because it's very easy to start out innocent and become truly guilty.

Here are my tips for keeping from drowning in a place where condemning words seem to be crashing all around you, pulling you in, so that all you want to do is scream out in frustration and beat some sense into EVERYONE.

1. No matter what, do not allow what has happened affect you or your beliefs. Individuals do not define God, but most are imperfect broken shards of His reflection trying to glue themselves back together to be more like Yeshua (Jesus), but failing miserably. Including you.


2. Remember that you AREN'T perfect. Try and see what you may have done wrong. Admit that, and work on fixing THAT and CHANGING.

But he gives more grace. Therefore he says, God resists the proud, but gives grace unto the humble. ~ James 4:6

3. Apologize – even if you don't need to.
I'm not saying lie. I'm saying being a peace-maker.

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord ~ Hebrews 12:14. See also Romans 12:18.

Don't add to the tension by holding on to pride. Just be sorry. “I'm sorry that I (-). I didn't mean to do that to you.”
Don't be haughty when apologizing. Be sincere.


4. It's OK to be right.
Many will respect you for being humble – most know how hard it is ;b. And even if they know that you think you were still in the right, if they see that you are sorry for offending them most will not be so upset.
Or maybe even feel a little convicted. Though don't count on that too much. LOL.
So, don't try to make peace by giving in and admitting something that isn't true.

It might not always work. What then?

Don't become bitter. Don't hate. And don't return the evil by harshly criticizing the person in return.

Yes, you may be right, the other wrong. But sometimes some things just won't and can't ever be proved in this world.

But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. ~ Matthew 5:48

But you don't have to become ugly with hate or bitterness. You don't have to allow anything to change you or your beliefs in God. And you don't have to join the hypocrisy by allowing what they said to be just like them – closed to the truth of God's love, truth, and righteousness.

Remember that, and even when people tear you down, you can still be whole and full.

O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. ~ Psalm 136:1

Deceptive Distractions (A Spiritual Slide)

Originally posted here

(To be) Convicted.

The thing about conviction is that it can happen in strange ways - and right when you are least expecting it.

Maybe even through words you hear all the time.

Convictions - there's no stopping them, there's just ignoring them. And I've found that if you need to hear something - you will hear it.

In life, we all have, to some degree, a glimpse of what we should do, a taste of what our purpose and calling is.

Some of us have blocked it out, and some of us have a hard time seeing it, but over all, we each have a goal, a destiny.

But sometimes we loose sight of what our purpose is

Last couple weeks I have been experiencing this. I was starting to lack passion and even sight of my goal.

The worst thing is I wasn't paying attention, and to such an extent that I didn't realize I was no longer focused on what I should have been.

I first came to this realization the other morning when an older man was speaking to me.

Now, it is not uncommon for him to speak to me or the other kids around here, and what he spoke on wasn't even that uncommon for him to be saying, but the way he worded it made me think.

And maybe it had a lot to do with I just needed to hear these specific words again.

"Keturah," he said. "Remember to keep seeking God And follow His calling for your life. Don't let distractions stop you from doing His work."

I did as I normally do when he speaks, nod and agree. For all he says is always good, but I don't always dwell on it much afterwards. But this time I was still thinking (deeply) about it even after he had left.

Calling.......Distractions.

Distractions.

They are so easy to allow.

When I should be praying, reading, studying, being with someone, or doing something there might be that time when I'm giving into the common distractions:

Facebook.

Other social reading.

Food.

Daydreaming.

Excess reading.

Excess social activities.

But it is so easy to know that these are distractions and to stop doing them, to turn back to what I should be doing.

Self-control in these areas can be a lot easier then one realizes.

Thinking more, I began to realize that there are other distractions out there that hinder me from doing what I am called to do. More deceptive distractions. Things that keep me from focusing on anything that is worthy and productive and constructive.

These distractions have a way of taking over your thought life so that you are now devoting all your energy to what is worthless. You are no longer focused on what is important.

Distraction, once again, has taken over.

Anger.

Hatred.

Bitterness.

Fear.

Worry.

Jealousy.

Selfishness.

And the list can go on and on 

These sort of distractions creep on you too easily, so that you give them all your thoughts, feed them all your emotions, yet never realize you have been distracted from what is truly right.

Wow.

Sometimes they can even keep you from experiencing great things. Seeing new things. Even coming t new revelations. These sort of distractions clog up one's mind so that there purpose is now forgotten.

Can I just clarify this?: I felt very convicted, and I told my roommate all these thoughts right away.

She was like, "Wow, that is good."

Just think about it? Yes, some of those other things in that first list do keep us from our work, but it is also these latter things, these emotions that we give room to, that take over our thought and spiritual life.

They can break our purpose down more than some of the physical distractions to such a point that anything we try to do becomes useless and of no account.

And so, I decided, I would not allow my mind-activity to go to waste thinking on useless distractions designed only to keep me from my true calling.

So, joking, but also serious, I told my roommate, "If I get distracted by silly, deceptive things, make sure to tell me that I'm getting off track."

Though now I almost wish I didn't say that - for she is probably going to do just as I asked and say, "Dear Keturah, watch out, you are distracted" when I am in the midst of a heated rant.

Oh, my what shall I do?

Does life seem to be only going downhill for you? Could the reason possibly have something to do with you have become distracted from what you should be doing? Look into what you are giving all your thoughts to. What do you rant about? What have you been passionate about? Distraction. It can creep up - but we can still kick it out - choose to refocus on what God has for us in this life. Choose His destiny over any silly distractions that we may be feeding.