Love At First Sight: A Myth

I love fairy tales. They are some of the best stories ever. But some of the ideas in modern fairy tales are sort of twisted up.

 Love at first sight. 

Finding your one and only match. 

Love makes all good, and lasts forever. 

And once you have had that first kiss you shall live forever and ever, happily ever after.

Now, I'm not trying to depress you, but love at first sight is silly and unreal. It doesn't happen. One can argue for infatuation at first sight. That I'll go for. But not love.

Why?

First off, we need to understand what love really is.

Love isn't this magical thing that makes two people have to be together forever.

Love is the outcome of doing. Love can be performed to people we don't know or even like. Because love is giving, even when there's no receiving involved.

Some things about true love:

It is sacrificial.

It is unselfish.

It isn't ruled by feelings.

It is stronger than passion.

It is rational.

It always does what is right for the other person.

It affects more than just a couple individuals.

So, on that note, can you see why I don't think it's possible to find true love at first sight?

Not that I don't think people can't say, "Yeah, that's the person I'll end up marrying" and that it won't happen.

Many people have done it, and were married.

But many people have also said that, and then the feelings passed, and they didn't marry that person they were certain they would. So, the rare example of it happening isn't a proof for love at first sight.

And I would still argue that the person saying those words wasn't actually in love. 

Why? (I love this word... it leads to much intellectualism)

Because it was just infatuation. Not love. There was nothing real there. Nothing to make them stay committed.

100% attraction and infatuation. Nothing more.

The misconception of love and infatuation, I believe is the cause of so many divorces and unhappy marriages. Two people who are "clearly in love" marry. But then the passion fades. Life hits. 

And oh, my, what happened to that feeling of love?

"I must have married the wrong person!?"

Which brings up my next point.

There isn't a right person for you. 

(I'm just a mean person today ;D)

If there was just one perfect match for every one, then of course divorce would be more excusable.

But there isn't.

Also, if there were just one person meant for each individual, marriage after the death of a spouse would be very wrong.

Magic couples, meant to be together forever just isn't a thing.

If so, why are there so many unmarried(singles)? Did God just decided not to make them someone special?

No. Marriage is a higher thing than just "It's all about you and me."

Marriage has a purpose. It's about two people coming together to honor God and each other, and raising a family *to take over the world for God*. HAHA. Disregard that last part, if you like. 😉

It wasn't until recently that culture has changed the true meaning of love, marriage, and such.

Just look at history. It is full of women being "forced" or sold into marriages, arranged marriages, betrothals, and matchmaking.

And despite what our media tries to say, I think most of those girls (and definitely, guys ;b) were happy with their practices. It was what they were accustomed to. It was their life. They expected to not choose their partner. 

And most were happy.

Few girls felt like they were prisoners trapped in a life they had no control over. (I don't care what fiction tries to depict, they didn't). Most wanted this life that their culture held up as the ideal.

In fact, in Bloody Mary of England(1500's) begged her father(King Henry, the VIII) to arrange a marriage for her.

Anna Komnene( Byzantine princess, historian, 1083-1153) grew up always expecting an arranged marriage of some sort. And when she did marry she had a very (too) successful marriage.

If love is what should initiate the thing, if there are only two people meant for each other, how did so many people survive before it was acceptable to find your own spouse?

*let me just add that I'm not for my parents arranging a marriage for me. I'm too caught up in this culture to just go for that, lol. I'm just addressing the mindset - not the formula.*

The thing is mindset.

It's all about that.

They weren't looking for the one, they just wanted some one.

They knew what their expected roles in marriage were, and most people had the sense to follow them.

They understood marriage had a purpose, and embraced that purpose.

I mean, I'm sure people still had to deal with sin, but the difference is most people actually dealt with their problems - or just lived with them.

And so, can you see why I don't believe in love at first sight, or finding the one?

I'm sure this is all strange... but honestly, in this day and age, could things get stranger? Lol.

I'd also like to share this quote that my married friend, Esther, believes captures the idea of love extremely well:

Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...

Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.

Helen North: What are you two talking about?

Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.

Helen North: Not now!

Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.

[to Colleen]

Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.

[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]

Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?

Helen North: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.

Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

If you think about it, the ideas expressed in this quote are quite unique. And the movie is very cute, too :)  Though this post wasn't meant to review a movie, lol! 

We need to think about some of these things and apply them to our thought lives... we need to influence our minds towards thinking about things in perspective. Because, believe it or not, these are some very important aspects in all of our lives today.

Struggles Are REAL!

I hate planes.

It's not that I hate the flying part, or that I'm scared of being high above the ground. I actually rather enjoy that part.

Originally published at Keturah's Korner

But I hate all the security, and how rude everyone can be. And one time in particular I had a bad experience because they didn't like my skirt or my ID.

Of course this wasn't exactly the worst thing in the world. Many people have had many much more terrible experiences, to the point that they were truly violated or their lives in danger.

And one person made sure to tell me this when I told them why I didn't like flying.

Ouch.

That's all I can think when someone says your fears or struggles are unbiased because of others' real struggles.

You scrunch up and feel guilty. It's like someone is saying, “You don't know what real pain and fear is, because you have been too sheltered. You don't even know how to truly love God, because you have never really been tested.”

Or maybe they outright say this.

You're like, “So all this stuff going on in my mind has been dramatized? I don't actually have struggles?”

In that case you can be like, “Well, let's just smile then. And enjoy life.”

Just kidding...

And if that were the extent of your trial it may be easy. But normally it's not.

I was talking to a friend recently who is going through a very hard time, emotionally and with close people in her life. Sometimes I get so riled up for her (and others) when I think great people are so blindly “persecuting” someone as dear as her with their words and actions. And it's as if they are blind.. yet think their eyes are wide open!

“I know the feeling,” I told her. “ 'God why me? Why now? Why can I not have just this one thing?' His tests are pretty hard sometimes. Too hard, to bear, it feels. We are told we have it easy compared to others. But do we? Or is this just man's way of saying 'I don't care about you.'?

“ 'What you are going through is just a lie from the devil.' We are told. But is it? Sure God heals, but one of the realities of sin is that life is horrible. Even great men in the Bible screamed and yelled at God, questioning the pain in their lives.

“Rough times exist.

“No matter the level humans set trials at, our trials, our emotional stress, our struggles, all we go through is the same. It's all hardest for each individual.

“It's wrong for people to say, 'Look how good you have it compared to so and so.' You know what? That's all compared to human standards! People don't need a, 'You're okay, just look at Africa.' They need a hug, some comfort, a few words of encouragement.”

“If any thing is a lie from the devil, it's the belief that what we go through doesn't matter.”

It's all great and good to think nothing but certain catastrophes matter and are worthy of depression, but the words, “Get over yourself. Remember the kids in Africa – the ones that are dying because of lack of clothes and food. You have it good. No one in America truly suffers.” are not a way to comfort someone.

Neither is the statement, “What you're going through is a lie from the devil.”

What does that accomplish? Nothing but unnecessary guilt on the victims part. And pent up emotions and trials that they don't know what to do with since they obliviously shouldn't have them.

My above first example wasn't very good But I think you got the point. Hopefully. Haha.

We all go through things – and sometimes those things aren't as big and ugly in appearance as starving children in Africa.

But to our minds, to the reality we know, they FEEL just as big and ugly.

To us they ARE JUST AS BAD AS STARVING TO DEATH.

Because this is the very REAL and UGLY struggle God has placed into our lives and minds.

And because of that, we need to remember one thing: Don't tear other people down farther by telling them what they go through is unreal.

Comfort them. Encourage them. Help them get over what they are going through with love, understanding, and when and if the times calls for, gentle admonition towards something better and more fulfilling.

Critical words don't kill fear and heal hurt. Love and kindness do.

Remember, fellow believers. We aren't called to bring ones trials down to exalt our own or others. We are called to love each and everyone. Not everyone is capable of handling the same pain. But we can still love them. Nor are we to judge trials by man's standard.

Sure, starvation seems horrid. It is horrible. But so are all the other things we are burdened with. Each are equally important to the person going through it.

One of the realities of this sin-filled life is there will be many people going through hard times, and you will be faced with the choice: Tear them down or love them?

So, be a friend to people. Comfort and dry others' tears, don't cause them. Love people, don't look down at them. And instead of pushing them away, give them a big a hug or two.

The Joy of Motherhood

With my nephew

  It seems to me that there is a problem with girls these days. In fact, I am sure of it. And if you look deep within you can see that problem, shining out. And it makes me sad. Of course there are many problems. But this problem has been one I've been dwelling on lately. What is this problem, you ask?

 Children.

 Actually, children aren't the problem. But they are what many girls claim as the root of the problem. Girls these days don't want kids. Some say, "I want a boy and a girl, maybe, but no others," but I find myself a little surprised at the amount of young people who don't want children... at all. When I hear this I feel a little sad inside, but rarely say anything because I don't want to upset anyone... or I don't know how to phrase it. Avoiding conflict is much easier than starting something that could jeopardize a friendship sometimes.

 But truthfully, I am deeply disturbed by this recent trend in a single... or married without children life. It seems that people have lost sight of a truth that is revealed everywhere. The truth that shows that there is joy in motherhood. There is joy in being a parent.

Psalm 127:3

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 

 

Genesis 33:5

And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children; and said, Who are those with thee? And he said, The children which God hath graciously given thy servant. 

 

Matthew 18:10 

Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

 

 Psalm 113:9

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. 

 

My niece kissing my nephew

 

 As you can see by these scriptures, children are a great blessing. In the first scripture they are called a heritage of the Lord. They are part of His heritage. And they are also called His reward. Children are not a punishment, but a reward in the sight of the Lord!

 In the second verse, Jacob refers to his children as gracious gifts from God. 

 In the third verse, Jesus warns not to despise children. 

 And in the final verse I listed, God shows that children will make a barren woman joyful. 

 Because children are a joy!

 Since I was a young girl I've wanted to be a mother someday. And now that I have a niece and nephew to shower with hugs and kisses I realize how wonderful it would be. Of course, there is the responsibility. And children can be mischievous, and are hard work. But just as everything worthwhile in life, hard work is required. And it shouldn't be any other way.

 There are many reasons girls don't want to have kids. I'll discuss a few. Many of these reasons come back to the root of selfishness, or what society has told our young people.

 They don't want a child because of their body. Either they think it will hurt to have a baby, and so don't want to experience it, or they don't want to have to deal with their post baby body. But from what I've witnessed, and spoken with women who have given birth, it isn't half as bad as they make it out to be in movies. 

 They don't want a child to damage their chance at a career. But child rearing was the original career, wasn't it? It was what God designed women for. Not that you can't have a job and be a mother. Because lots of people do it. 

 They don't want a child because of the responsibility involved. See my earlier statement of work making things worthwhile.

And there are many other things people will say for their reason they don't want a child. But there is joy in motherhood. There's the joy of first kisses, snuggles, those drawings you can put on the fridge, and when they look at you and tell you they love you. The love of a child is one of the most extraordinary things God created. And if the Lord blesses me, I would love to experience the love of my own son or daughter one day. 

 

 But what do you think?