Love At First Sight: A Myth

I love fairy tales. They are some of the best stories ever. But some of the ideas in modern fairy tales are sort of twisted up.

 Love at first sight. 

Finding your one and only match. 

Love makes all good, and lasts forever. 

And once you have had that first kiss you shall live forever and ever, happily ever after.

Now, I'm not trying to depress you, but love at first sight is silly and unreal. It doesn't happen. One can argue for infatuation at first sight. That I'll go for. But not love.

Why?

First off, we need to understand what love really is.

Love isn't this magical thing that makes two people have to be together forever.

Love is the outcome of doing. Love can be performed to people we don't know or even like. Because love is giving, even when there's no receiving involved.

Some things about true love:

It is sacrificial.

It is unselfish.

It isn't ruled by feelings.

It is stronger than passion.

It is rational.

It always does what is right for the other person.

It affects more than just a couple individuals.

So, on that note, can you see why I don't think it's possible to find true love at first sight?

Not that I don't think people can't say, "Yeah, that's the person I'll end up marrying" and that it won't happen.

Many people have done it, and were married.

But many people have also said that, and then the feelings passed, and they didn't marry that person they were certain they would. So, the rare example of it happening isn't a proof for love at first sight.

And I would still argue that the person saying those words wasn't actually in love. 

Why? (I love this word... it leads to much intellectualism)

Because it was just infatuation. Not love. There was nothing real there. Nothing to make them stay committed.

100% attraction and infatuation. Nothing more.

The misconception of love and infatuation, I believe is the cause of so many divorces and unhappy marriages. Two people who are "clearly in love" marry. But then the passion fades. Life hits. 

And oh, my, what happened to that feeling of love?

"I must have married the wrong person!?"

Which brings up my next point.

There isn't a right person for you. 

(I'm just a mean person today ;D)

If there was just one perfect match for every one, then of course divorce would be more excusable.

But there isn't.

Also, if there were just one person meant for each individual, marriage after the death of a spouse would be very wrong.

Magic couples, meant to be together forever just isn't a thing.

If so, why are there so many unmarried(singles)? Did God just decided not to make them someone special?

No. Marriage is a higher thing than just "It's all about you and me."

Marriage has a purpose. It's about two people coming together to honor God and each other, and raising a family *to take over the world for God*. HAHA. Disregard that last part, if you like. 😉

It wasn't until recently that culture has changed the true meaning of love, marriage, and such.

Just look at history. It is full of women being "forced" or sold into marriages, arranged marriages, betrothals, and matchmaking.

And despite what our media tries to say, I think most of those girls (and definitely, guys ;b) were happy with their practices. It was what they were accustomed to. It was their life. They expected to not choose their partner. 

And most were happy.

Few girls felt like they were prisoners trapped in a life they had no control over. (I don't care what fiction tries to depict, they didn't). Most wanted this life that their culture held up as the ideal.

In fact, in Bloody Mary of England(1500's) begged her father(King Henry, the VIII) to arrange a marriage for her.

Anna Komnene( Byzantine princess, historian, 1083-1153) grew up always expecting an arranged marriage of some sort. And when she did marry she had a very (too) successful marriage.

If love is what should initiate the thing, if there are only two people meant for each other, how did so many people survive before it was acceptable to find your own spouse?

*let me just add that I'm not for my parents arranging a marriage for me. I'm too caught up in this culture to just go for that, lol. I'm just addressing the mindset - not the formula.*

The thing is mindset.

It's all about that.

They weren't looking for the one, they just wanted some one.

They knew what their expected roles in marriage were, and most people had the sense to follow them.

They understood marriage had a purpose, and embraced that purpose.

I mean, I'm sure people still had to deal with sin, but the difference is most people actually dealt with their problems - or just lived with them.

And so, can you see why I don't believe in love at first sight, or finding the one?

I'm sure this is all strange... but honestly, in this day and age, could things get stranger? Lol.

I'd also like to share this quote that my married friend, Esther, believes captures the idea of love extremely well:

Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...

Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.

Helen North: What are you two talking about?

Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.

Helen North: Not now!

Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.

[to Colleen]

Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.

[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]

Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?

Helen North: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.

Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

If you think about it, the ideas expressed in this quote are quite unique. And the movie is very cute, too :)  Though this post wasn't meant to review a movie, lol! 

We need to think about some of these things and apply them to our thought lives... we need to influence our minds towards thinking about things in perspective. Because, believe it or not, these are some very important aspects in all of our lives today.

Sick of Waiting (and worrying)

Okay, so I'm guessing some of you might be a little worried about the title today. Did it get you wondering about the content to follow? I mean, it sounds pretty negative, doesn't it?

 

Yeah, it does. And I usually don't like to use conclusively derogatory sounding titles. But for the last several weeks, the idea for this post has been lingering in the back of my head. And so I finally decided to stop being lazy and actually write it. And what can I say, this particular title seemed to fit best.

 

Let's face it.

 

 I'm sure most of us have heard the whole deal about "waiting for your true love". And I'm sure most everyone reading this blog agrees with the Biblically-founded moral system which makes it clear that people should remain pure until marriage, and that marriage is meant to last until death. 

 

Marriage is a sacred union; a covenant between the husband, wife, and God. Throughout Scripture, we find where terrible things happened to those who misuse or abandon it. I personally think that sin pertaining to this area is worse than sin such as stealing, lying, etc. Even though those are still forms of wickedness, their consequences/affects on other people can be lesser than that of sexual sin.

 

For example: Stealing a car vs. committing adultery. They're both wrong, of course, but the latter will hurt more lives, long term.

 

All sin is evil and to be avoided. However, some do come with heavier prices.

 

That doesn't really have a whole lot with what I aimed to write about today, but I just wanted to remind you all of the seriousness of the matter. Marriage is nothing to be taken lightly. Not that I know anything really about it; since I'm still single. But just look through God's Book.

He gave us a beautiful gift to enjoy a special sort of love. And that special sort of love was only meant for one other person here on earth - one's spouse. In this case, your future husband, ladies.

 

So then how should one handle the matter before marriage or courtship?

 

At age 13, I wrote a poem called "I'm Just Waiting."

 

I'm sorry, but yes,

I'm already claimed.

Already got myself somebody special,

Right now I'm just waiting.

Someday, somewhere,

I'll find my somebody special.

My knight in shining armor.

Right now I'm just waiting.

I'm set aside,

I'm set apart.

Right now I'm just waiting.

For him, I'm saving my heart.

I'm praying that the Lord

will bless my somebody special,

Protect him and guide him,

until (and after) the day we meet.

 

Skimming over this, yeah, I still hold to this promise of abstinence and emotional purity until marriage. I'm still saving my first kiss for THE guy. I've learned to really take emotional purity serious ever since I experienced some hard lessons as a younger teen, concerning giving your heart to somebody prematurely. (Crushes, lust, etc.) And honestly, it all starts with the heart. If you let your heart stray, you're already going down a slippery slope and sin is a the door.

 

It all starts with the heart.

 

"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

 

But is it more than just waiting?

 

I've always thought it was a matter of "keeping your eyes open" and waiting, watching. Yes, keeping productive, not just sitting around during your single years 'waiting for life to happen.'

 

Nonetheless. There seems to be something more to it than just this. 

 

It seems that, with the 'waiting' mentality, life seems to become a bit full of doubt and fear that perhaps this, perhaps that...what ifs...

 

What if...you're not supposed to get married? What if....maybe you never find that special dude?

 

What if this, what if that.

 

It's easy to get a little desperate even. I'll admit, I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in concern over it at times.

 You meet a guy that seems halfway decent and the first thing that crosses your mind?

 

"Hm, could he be the one? Maybe I should talk to him...?"

 

It's not wrong to wonder this, and I think it's a completely natural instinct. The key is, how much time you spend thinking on this sort of thing. It's so easy for this notion to become a self-centered one. Or, simply fear-based.

 

God's Word is very clear on fear, and states simply: don't succumb to it.

 

And, another thing. If you're like me, you're still young. I'll be 18 in January. Yes, women have been getting married at that age and earlier for centuries, but that doesn't mean it's the 'must' for each individual person. Unless I see a direct sign or direction from God on the contrary, I still think I'm a bit green for marriage yet.

 

However, I don't think one is ever truly 'ready' for marriage, as in, completely 'wisened-up' and prepared.

 We can prepare and store up wisdom to an extent, but we're always learning more. (hopefully, if you have the right mindset and a heart for learning) However, wisdom dictates that a couple shouldn't marry until they have matured to a certain degree, and possess a certain degree of responsibility. And in this society, maturity is coming later and later, if at all.

 

Gosh, I'm rambling today aren't I?

 

Okay. *takes a deep breath, tries to get back on topic*

 

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if you're worried about finding your special someone, stop it.

 

Stop worrying.

 

If God wills it for you, it will happen. End of story.

 

Waiting is a word of stagnancy.

 

 While, in the sense of purity it's almost always implied to be good, it can easily turn into a means to create uninvolved, fear-ridden young women who are a bit on the desperate side to find their Superman.

 

Personally, I don't feel this is where I want to be.

I don't want to be the antsy young woman who acts like a feeding-frenzied shark whenever a young man enters her sight.  I don't want to be consumed with fear of the unknown, constantly wondering 'what if'.

 

 There's a reason for everything, and I know this is all in God's plan. Truth is, what's so bad about being single, anyway? During these adventure-filled years of my life, I have been given so many opportunities. Chances to point people to God through a wide variety of skills, abilities, and connections, and of course, the time to do it all.

 

In short, I am loving this season of my life. God is exceedingly good to me.

 

If He has it in His will for me to get married, wonderful! If not, wonderful! Instead of dwelling in the 'waiting and worrying' mentality, I strive to use my time wisely and productively. Learning new things every day, strengthening relationships with the people in my life, and drawing closer to my Maker.

 

I'm no longer "on the lookout" for a mate. Let's be honest, that involves way too much stress and energy! Which I'd rather spend on something a bit more productive.

 

No, I've learned that when I try to take things into my own hands, the end result is always inferior, messy, and quite often a flunked attempt. I'm pretty sure this could apply to every aspect of my life, including the 'romance' side.

 

So in conclusion?

 

I'm leaving my love story in God's hands...not mine. 

 

P.S. I'm sorry this sort of evolved into a sporadic sort of rambling rant, but hopefully you gleaned something from it? *uneasy smile*

 

Lies We've Been Told

Marriage is not a reward.  It is not something that you can earn or work a certain formula and then just watch it happen.  It's not a guarantee no matter how beautiful and godly and vivacious you are.

I used to think it depended on me.  That if I could lose weight, I would be pretty enough to get married...but then I saw girls larger than my 125lb frame, happily married and living my dream.

I used to think that if I could just get my daily quiet time together and make it a habit that I never skipped, then God would let me get married...and I saw girls that didn't have it together as much as I did planning their weddings.  I thought that if I could just learn to be more outgoing, then I could actually hang out with the type of man I want to marry.  But every time I met him, it fell through.  I wasn't active enough, independent enough, submissive enough....I didn't debate enough to challenge him, I debated too well and he wanted to always be right....I didn't believe the right things, wear the right things, listen to the right music....or maybe, we were just "very different".

I've tried everything and yet, they keep telling me that all I have to do is trust God and He will work it out.  Put Christ first, fall in love with Him....other women have done that and within just a short time God brought along a man and they lived happily ever after.  Don't focus on getting married, go after other goals and then your husband will miraculously appear.

The truth is, there is no formula.  There is no guarantee.  No matter how hard we work at being the perfect woman, it does not depend on us.

My life has not been strewn with roses.  I have visited heartbreak hotel like so many others before me.  I know what it's like to ache inside because no matter what you do, nothing good ever seems to last.  I know how hard it is when you love someone and they leave you.  I've been there, cried out loud from the pain and then got up and gone to work the next day as if life is wonderful.

I don't have all the answers.  In fact, I really have no answers.  There is only one thing that I know will never change, one person who will never leave and one relationship that will always satisfy and you don't have to wait on him to act because He already did.  My Jesus, my Yeshua, the King of kings, Lord of lords...no matter how many times I slip away and try other things to satisfy and fix myself, He is still there through it all.  He's the only one who can heal a broken heart, turn your tears into laughter, your ugliness into beauty, your pain into something He can use to help others and with Him, there will always be a happy ending. 



On Courting

 

 Hello all. Today I'm going to talk a little bit on courtship. Not everyone shares the same views as me, and I'm not going to be all judgmental about it if you don't. This is another one of those personal conviction things. But I thought I would share a little bit about this with you guys.

 I'm the girl who gets all the weird looks when this situation happens. People ask me if I have a boyfriend, and I answer with a "No." They ask why not, and I answer that I'm waiting for the guy that God meant for me to come along, and when I do get in a relationship it will be with the intention of marriage. Let the weird looks begin. ;)

There are many different opinions on what courtship is. Some say it's basically dating. But this article is about what I believe courtship is.

 My parents dated each other, kissed, etc. before they got married. Now, almost 25 years later, they wished they hadn't. They realized that if they had waited for some of those things, it would have been much sweeter.

 So, when my sister, Charity was old enough to talk about that sort of thing, my parents sat down with her. They asked her if she'd be willing to wait, and she agreed. My sister's story is really wonderful- hopefully she won't mind me sharing with all of you. ;)

 We're very good friends with another family that also believes in courtship. Charity, and the oldest son in that family were best friends since they were about fourteen going on fifteen, and fifteen going on sixteen. God told both of them at one point or another, that they would marry each other. My sister didn't want to believe it- she thought of him as her younger friend- but he took it a bit more seriously. When he was almost nineteen, his parents finally decided he was ready to ask about courting my sister. By this time, Charity had realized that she really did like him, but she didn't want to let anything get in the way of her relationship with God, and told the Lord she was willing to give up her friendship with him, if that was His will.

 One night, my parents got a telephone call from him. He asked if he could court my sister. My parents talked to Charity, who said yes when she realized it was actually God's will to become even greater friends with Beau. They had a courtship that lasted almost a year. Then he blindfolded her, walked her up a mountain, and showed her a giant glowing cross before kneeling, and asking her to marry him. She said yes. :) They've been married for going on two years this month, have a beautiful little daughter, and a son on the way.

 My parents never really had that talk with me, but I've made the decision based on many things. Their wisdom, my sister's experience, books I've read. (Preparing to be a Helpmeet) The decision isn't being forced on me, but I feel like it's the right thing for me to do.

 Here are some things my family does in courtship.

 Courtship is to get to know someone with the intention of marriage. My sister and bro-in-law talked on the phone a lot, and got to know each other more then they did as just friends.

 My sister and bro-in-law didn't kiss, and neither will I. O.O But how will you know if you have 'sparks?!?!' Don't worry. I plan on praying about it just like my sister did. The Lord will let you know if someone is the right one.

They didn't hold hands either. WHAT???? This isn't a courtship principle that everyone follows, but my sister and bro-in-law wanted to keep their relationship pure in the sight of God. They realized that holding hands, (and kissing for that matter) could lead to things that would not please the Lord. Once they were engaged they did hold hands, though.

 We will have a chaperon. Isn't that a little strict? Not really. Having a chaperon helps the two individuals not get caught up in anything that wouldn't glorify Christ. And it's always fun to be the third wheel who gets to do fun stuff. ;)

 So that's a little bit on courtship. There are other reasons I've decided to court, and if you want to know any more about it, just ask in the comments. Once again, courtship is MY choice. If you don't feel that way, do not feel bad.

 I hope you've enjoyed learning a little about courtship. :)

Genesis 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

 God bless!

Waiting

His steady brown eyes look into hers with so much love as he carefully pours the new wine into the cup and drinks from it before handing it to her.  She looks up at him knowing that this decision will effect the rest of her life and his.  The covenant has been read and she can choose to reject or accept his proposal.  She takes the cup, smiles and drinks.  The room erupts in applause as the covenant is now agreed to and the man and woman legally married or betrothed.

The man goes away to make a home for his new bride and she waits in anticipation, not knowing when he will return and take her away with him.

This is the way Jewish marriages began in history.  Yeshua repeatedly compared His relationship to us with that of a bridegroom and his bride.  Like the Jewish bride who had to be ready at a moment's notice when her bridegroom arrived, we must be always looking forward to the day when our

Bridegroom will return for us.  We ought to remind ourselves to never do anything that we would not be happy to be doing when He does return and we are at last united with Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, the King of kings and Lord of lords!