The Perfect Storm - Guest Post by Chard Phebe

 

You could say I’m a sailor of sorts.

Now before you get the image of me in a parka on a dinky old boat yelling “Ahoy mateys!”, hear me out.

Why do sailors sail? Some do it for fish, others for the adventurous feeling it gives, still others do it because they want to explore the world. Every sailor sails for a reason.

God calls everyone out upon the waters of life at its fullest, yet most of us fear leaving the shore.

We’re like Veggie-tale Jonah.

One of the saddest things about that is one of the reasons God calls us out, one of the reasons He designed us the way He did, is to co-labor with Him in solving the world’s problems. (1 Cor. 3:9)

Did you ever wonder why you felt so strongly about a problem in the world few people, even your closest Christian friends felt the same passion for? Maybe it’s because that’s not their problem.

I believe God will show us two or three problems in the world that we are to make our passions. (1 Cor 12:4-6)

(Now just a disclaimer, I don’t really know if the number is two or three, I’ve just never met anyone with only one passion, and having four or more seems like you’d start to slack in one of them.)

I believe God shows us these in a variety of ways, through hard times (2 Cor. 2:4), visions and dreams (Isa. 6:1-8), prayer and meditation (James 1:5-8), and also having seen/experienced things that move your heart for the things that move the heart of God (Matt 9:36-38).

Now, thinking back on your life, I’m sure you can probably name at least a couple things that had truly weighed on your heart. Don’t tell yourself what you felt was superficial, the person say who feels saddened at there not being any entertaining Christian movies to watch, may be the next filmmaker for a wholesome blockbuster.

I also want you to get a weight for the importance of you pursuing the thing you feel God pulling you toward. Not only the world, but the Church needs you.

If you haven’t found out yet, the Church is full of sinners.

We’re all broken in some way, and you living out God’s call for your life might just be a blessing to dozens, hundreds, thousands, even millions of other believers...and God only knows how many countless unbelievers.

You can’t believe the lie that you aren’t important, and you don’t matter (Ps. 8:5). That’s from the pit of Hell and it’s just what the Enemy would want you to believe.

Which brings me to what may be my most critical point: spiritual warfare.

As I said before, I am like a sailor. I’ve begun to answer God’s call and it’s taken me out from shore so far I’m not really sure where home is anymore. Out here on the water, there are waves, big ones that take you high and low. There’s pouring rain, lightning, and fear.

So much and so often I want to quit, give into temptations, start believing the lies and settling for an alright life knowing Christ.

But I can’t, the call is too strong, you can’t the world needs you too much.

I would love to tell you that as you begin to pursue the callings God has on your life, things will nice, fun, and safe. I would love to...but I can’t.

Fact is the few years I’ve now spent looking for ways to pursue God’s call on my life, interacting with people the way He’s told me to, and trying to conform with who He’s making me to be have been some of the hardest years of my life.

And most the joyful, rich, and fulfilling as well.

We need to be ready to keep our eyes on heaven even when the waves are 50 feet tall and we think we’re going to capsize, God is bigger than the problems, the need is bigger than our fear.

The Bible says when we resist the Devil he flees from us (James 4:7), we have no need to fear the world for greater is the one is us (1 John 4:4), and our flesh is exactly that ours and we can discipline it by God’s grace into obeying us (1 Cor. 9:27).

See what I just named there? The Enemy, the world, and our flesh? Those are our biggest opponents with chasing our dreams. They’re what would feed us lies, what would cause us to stumble, what would make us want to quit. They are the waves, rain, and lightning in this Perfect Storm...and by the Holy Spirit, you've already gotten the victory over them!

So what’s stopping you?

Remember, having the victory doesn't mean these things won’t still rear their ugly heads, it just means when they do you can fight if off with God’s power.

Start small and move on to bigger goals as you complete the smaller ones. Pray to God for guidance and for comfort when you fail. Remember failure is a learning experience, and you really can’t get success until you've failed a few times. Constantly refocus yourself so you can keep the main thing the main thing.

Remember, your Creator is proud of you and your world thanks you.

So go, and I hope to see you out there on these waters very soon.

 

-Chard Phebe

 

 

What Say The Guys? Q/A with Chard Phebe

 

Hey y'all! 

Some of us girls from APOC picked questions we thought would be interesting to hear an opinion of from the opposite gender., and today the Q/A is with Christian teen writer Chard Phebe.

What do you find attractive in a girl? Not physical appearance... but what about her attracts you, personality wise? I have to state that among the most attractive things about a girl is her confidence (especially when it’s in Christ). I always feel so bothered when I comment on how great a singer a girl is, or how smart she is, or how kind and all I get is a debate. A girl who can acknowledge her God-given gifts is always attractive. Intelligence, artistic ability, kindness, and transparency are traits I personally find to be attractive, as well as an unashamed femininity; I have no problem with girls playing sports, using weapons, or be outdoorsy… that’s all fine, it can even be attractive, but please, please never try to have us treat you as anything other than a girl, that is so unattractive.

How do you feel about girls approaching guys? Personally I hold to the “old-fashioned” view that guys should be the initiators, hard and nerve wracking as it may be for us. I will say that if a girl is thinking of approaching a guy in a romantic sense to simply act in a way that would still allow him to be the initiator. If he talks about a social gathering you’d like to attend with him, simply speak on how you would enjoy going to that, if he’s so dense that he doesn’t realize he should invite you, then simply ask to go, but realize that he probably only thinks of you as a friend at the moment.

What are your thoughts on courtship and dating? Oh, this subject can be controversial even among Christians…awesome! I personally stand unashamed on the view that courtship is the best route for pursuing romance; now this is not to say I look down on Christians who date or want to date; Lord knows I did for the longest time. My greatest argument for this view (but not my only one) is that the time I spend dating a girl I may or may not marry just for the fun of it I could have spent preparing for my future wife. That Thursday night date could have been spent at a Bible study learning from older couples in my church, the money I spent taking that girl out to dinner I could have saved for my wife’s wedding ring.

What are things that can become distracting or make you avert your eyes when it comes to modesty? This is a sore spot because I love my relationships/meetings with all girls in my life, and unfortunately showing a little too much skin puts a sour twist on many of them. I’m not sure girls realize how perceptive we guys can be to what they are wearing and our reactions to it. Being a Christian and not wanting to mentally lust ever, this can turn a perfectly good meeting with a friend/colleague into an exercise in self-control. It makes me sad when I can’t look a girl in her eyes because her low cut shirt is only a few inches below, so I end up looking her in the forehead or just gazing all around and feel like a jerk. It also makes me sad when I basically have to ignore a girl passing by because of what she’s wearing, I want to smile and say “Hi” but the fact that she’s half naked kind of ruins any chance of that unless I want to fight her image out of my head for the next five minutes. As dramatic as this might sound, I dare say you ask several Christian guys to read this and they all would on some level agree.

Do girls make you feel uncomfortable if they're really friendly? (Not in a forward/flirting way) Not uncomfortable, but for all “really friendly” girls I do have an admonition. Ladies, God made you with your bubbly, outgoing personalities and they are beautiful and unique. I don’t ever want to put a lamp shade on this because it can be a light for Christ but I must say when it comes to guys, you should definitely hold back on any physical displays (no “Hi I just met you, but I’m friendly, so let’s hug”). Also if you’re going to be friendly toward a guy, be sure that you clarify that you do that for everyone and be sure that you’re living it. A girl in my campus ministry called me sweetheart, which kind of put me off until I saw and she explained that she called everyone “sweetheart” or “my darling” and now I don’t read anything into it, however I can’t say that coming up with terms of endearment for most people will not still cause some guys to read something into your friendliness.

What turns you away from being interested in a girl? Character qualities, attitudes, etc? I have to stress being ashamed of being a girl. This puts such a bad taste in my mouth I want to brush my teeth. The feminist movement has seemed to state that if women are “evolved” or “empowered” that they’ll chop their hair to boy-like lengths, wear masculine clothing, see motherhood or homemaking as inferior uses for their time, and basically throw out what it has always meant to be female. To me this is complete crock; I look at any mother as empowered because she has the incredible responsibility of helping shape the future generation in ways we men simply can’t. Please, girls just be girls, even if you do all sorts of sporty and tough girl things, allow us to get the door for you, pay the check, and be a gentlemen if we’re trying to be, don’t make us feel weird. Other unattractive quality is being preoccupied with superficial things, young men are interested in young women, and young women care about more than just what color their makeup is or how good their selfie looks. Also I would say selfishness, unkindness, dislike for children, and disinterest in spiritual subjects are other big ones for me personally.

What are qualities you look for in a girl with regards to friendship/relationships? I being a talker extrovert type find myself inextricably drawn to quiet introverts for close friendships (my mentor is one), but this doesn’t mean I don’t love talking to extroverted girls (you guys can be sooo funny!). I’d said what really makes me desire a friendship with a girl is the knowledge that our relationship with benefit both of us, I realize the girls in my life can dramatically affect me so I want to surround myself with good ones, but I also want to know I can bless this girl in some way, it’s no fun feeling unwanted or needed. In all things however love, joy, peace, patience, humor, kindness, faithfulness, perseverance, imagination,  gentleness, goodness, and faith are skeleton keys for my heart.

What are you looking for spiritually in a wife?  The Proverbs 31 woman is an ideal for most Christian guys, as it should be, I mean that lady sounds like Wonder woman (She planted a Vineyard!) but personally I like a girl who looks more like a Genesis 1-Revalation 22 woman. There’s just something about a girl who knows her Bible. Also I think that your behavior in accordance to Scripture really would be what I’d look for; a girl whose heart is set after obeying God’s truth is worthy to be praised and always worth the time and attention you give her in my opinion.

What Say The Guys? Guest Post by Chard Phebe

 Most of my closest friends are girls.

 

  In spending most (if not all) of my high school social life in platonic relationships with girls, while at the same time experiencing my first wonderfully challenging years in relationship with my savior Jesus Christ I have to think I have a very different perspective on male-female relationships than most males my age.

But truly this perspective began with one completely different than the one I now hold.

Yes, I'm ashamed to say that once, my view of women was so tarnished by mass media and the incredible ease of access to sexually explicit content our modern world now provides, that by age 11, I probably thought of girls more as sex objects than human beings.

 

It’s scary how a girl’s outfit can and will change your entire view of how to treat her as a male.

 I took (and still do take) responsibility for my thoughts and actions, laying them at the foot of the cross when I was 13 and turning away from who I was. As a new Christian trying to obey what Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 about not looking at women with lust while fighting the influx of testosterone slowly making me a man, I often felt disgruntled by how most women (both Christian and non-Christian alike unfortunately) seemed not to care or even notice how they dressed and what it might be doing to the males around them.

Now let me make this point clear: I do believe it is a guy’s responsibility to guard his eyes, heart, and mind, if he sins by looking lustfully at a girl (no matter how skimpily clad) it’s his problem and he needs to repent and ask forgiveness for himself.

Being that I did believe this, I had to learn to bounce my eyes away every low-cut shirt, every high cut skirt, and every girl that seemed to say with her clothing “Look at me! I’m developing physically!”

Safe to say my eyes often feel like pinballs.

The funny thing was that as I was learning to discipline myself when it came to girl’s clothes, I started to notice that the girls I hung out with could be affected very similarly by what boys were wearing.

This was a wake up call.

Suddenly, I started noticing how frequently we men expose our bodies. Whether it’s a 20 foot sign of a shirtless model sporting a six-pack in the mall or guys posting selfies of their bodies on Facebook with the caption “Just back from the gym”, it's like an epidemic. At least with girls, older women and men as well as many Christian leaders made mention of modesty, yet for guys the idea of being modest seems laughable.

I don’t believe this should be. I think modesty can and should apply to all. I know the feeling of relief and gratitude I experience when a girl at church comes in dressed beautifully yet modestly.

 I feel like she knows and cares about the struggles Christian guys face and she’s saying “I know you guys are striving to be like Christ, and I’m not going to let conformity to modern fashion make me a stumbling block to my brothers in Christ.”

You can only imagine my joy at learning there are entire blogs like APOC teaching and exhorting girls to modesty.

In response to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and love for God and my sisters in Christ, I have decided to start dressing more modestly myself.

Now I know that for a guy this might not sound like much, but it has come with some pretty conscious choices: getting shirts a size larger than my size so they don’t hug while also not hanging off me, tucking my shirt (outside of school) so my midriff doesn’t show, and swimming with a shirt on (which I actually enjoy quite frankly).

 Now I’m not saying these to be legalistic to any guys who may come across this site, I’m just saying there are things we can do as guys to be modest. To me, being modest makes me feel like I care about my sisters in Christ, and also I even feel more fearfully and wonderfully made.

To all the girls out there wondering if you won’t look pretty to that special guy wearing a floor length skirt instead of jeans that look like you just painted over your skin, let me assure you, if he’s quality, he will notice you.

 

I’ll never forget the day in school when in a crowd of girls wearing their typical garb I could only see one girl, an acquaintance of mine who normally wore jeans, wearing a white knee length skirt (very modest in comparison to most girls at my school) and all I could think was “She looks great”.

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  Chard Phebe is a nearly eighteen year old author, writer, photographer, and Bible student, as well as the second oldest of six children. He goes by his pen-name C.H. Phebe often online. Starting fall 2013 he will be studying at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Florida as a Business Management major. In Chard's free time he likes to read, write, blog, and attend home groups/serve in his church. He prays that his writings bless the hearts, minds, and souls of every reader and that each may be an act of worship to our Lord, Savior, Creator, and First Love, Jesus Christ. You can read his personal blog at www.theovp.blogspot.com