Sick of Waiting (and worrying)

Okay, so I'm guessing some of you might be a little worried about the title today. Did it get you wondering about the content to follow? I mean, it sounds pretty negative, doesn't it?

 

Yeah, it does. And I usually don't like to use conclusively derogatory sounding titles. But for the last several weeks, the idea for this post has been lingering in the back of my head. And so I finally decided to stop being lazy and actually write it. And what can I say, this particular title seemed to fit best.

 

Let's face it.

 

 I'm sure most of us have heard the whole deal about "waiting for your true love". And I'm sure most everyone reading this blog agrees with the Biblically-founded moral system which makes it clear that people should remain pure until marriage, and that marriage is meant to last until death. 

 

Marriage is a sacred union; a covenant between the husband, wife, and God. Throughout Scripture, we find where terrible things happened to those who misuse or abandon it. I personally think that sin pertaining to this area is worse than sin such as stealing, lying, etc. Even though those are still forms of wickedness, their consequences/affects on other people can be lesser than that of sexual sin.

 

For example: Stealing a car vs. committing adultery. They're both wrong, of course, but the latter will hurt more lives, long term.

 

All sin is evil and to be avoided. However, some do come with heavier prices.

 

That doesn't really have a whole lot with what I aimed to write about today, but I just wanted to remind you all of the seriousness of the matter. Marriage is nothing to be taken lightly. Not that I know anything really about it; since I'm still single. But just look through God's Book.

He gave us a beautiful gift to enjoy a special sort of love. And that special sort of love was only meant for one other person here on earth - one's spouse. In this case, your future husband, ladies.

 

So then how should one handle the matter before marriage or courtship?

 

At age 13, I wrote a poem called "I'm Just Waiting."

 

I'm sorry, but yes,

I'm already claimed.

Already got myself somebody special,

Right now I'm just waiting.

Someday, somewhere,

I'll find my somebody special.

My knight in shining armor.

Right now I'm just waiting.

I'm set aside,

I'm set apart.

Right now I'm just waiting.

For him, I'm saving my heart.

I'm praying that the Lord

will bless my somebody special,

Protect him and guide him,

until (and after) the day we meet.

 

Skimming over this, yeah, I still hold to this promise of abstinence and emotional purity until marriage. I'm still saving my first kiss for THE guy. I've learned to really take emotional purity serious ever since I experienced some hard lessons as a younger teen, concerning giving your heart to somebody prematurely. (Crushes, lust, etc.) And honestly, it all starts with the heart. If you let your heart stray, you're already going down a slippery slope and sin is a the door.

 

It all starts with the heart.

 

"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23

 

But is it more than just waiting?

 

I've always thought it was a matter of "keeping your eyes open" and waiting, watching. Yes, keeping productive, not just sitting around during your single years 'waiting for life to happen.'

 

Nonetheless. There seems to be something more to it than just this. 

 

It seems that, with the 'waiting' mentality, life seems to become a bit full of doubt and fear that perhaps this, perhaps that...what ifs...

 

What if...you're not supposed to get married? What if....maybe you never find that special dude?

 

What if this, what if that.

 

It's easy to get a little desperate even. I'll admit, I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in concern over it at times.

 You meet a guy that seems halfway decent and the first thing that crosses your mind?

 

"Hm, could he be the one? Maybe I should talk to him...?"

 

It's not wrong to wonder this, and I think it's a completely natural instinct. The key is, how much time you spend thinking on this sort of thing. It's so easy for this notion to become a self-centered one. Or, simply fear-based.

 

God's Word is very clear on fear, and states simply: don't succumb to it.

 

And, another thing. If you're like me, you're still young. I'll be 18 in January. Yes, women have been getting married at that age and earlier for centuries, but that doesn't mean it's the 'must' for each individual person. Unless I see a direct sign or direction from God on the contrary, I still think I'm a bit green for marriage yet.

 

However, I don't think one is ever truly 'ready' for marriage, as in, completely 'wisened-up' and prepared.

 We can prepare and store up wisdom to an extent, but we're always learning more. (hopefully, if you have the right mindset and a heart for learning) However, wisdom dictates that a couple shouldn't marry until they have matured to a certain degree, and possess a certain degree of responsibility. And in this society, maturity is coming later and later, if at all.

 

Gosh, I'm rambling today aren't I?

 

Okay. *takes a deep breath, tries to get back on topic*

 

I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if you're worried about finding your special someone, stop it.

 

Stop worrying.

 

If God wills it for you, it will happen. End of story.

 

Waiting is a word of stagnancy.

 

 While, in the sense of purity it's almost always implied to be good, it can easily turn into a means to create uninvolved, fear-ridden young women who are a bit on the desperate side to find their Superman.

 

Personally, I don't feel this is where I want to be.

I don't want to be the antsy young woman who acts like a feeding-frenzied shark whenever a young man enters her sight.  I don't want to be consumed with fear of the unknown, constantly wondering 'what if'.

 

 There's a reason for everything, and I know this is all in God's plan. Truth is, what's so bad about being single, anyway? During these adventure-filled years of my life, I have been given so many opportunities. Chances to point people to God through a wide variety of skills, abilities, and connections, and of course, the time to do it all.

 

In short, I am loving this season of my life. God is exceedingly good to me.

 

If He has it in His will for me to get married, wonderful! If not, wonderful! Instead of dwelling in the 'waiting and worrying' mentality, I strive to use my time wisely and productively. Learning new things every day, strengthening relationships with the people in my life, and drawing closer to my Maker.

 

I'm no longer "on the lookout" for a mate. Let's be honest, that involves way too much stress and energy! Which I'd rather spend on something a bit more productive.

 

No, I've learned that when I try to take things into my own hands, the end result is always inferior, messy, and quite often a flunked attempt. I'm pretty sure this could apply to every aspect of my life, including the 'romance' side.

 

So in conclusion?

 

I'm leaving my love story in God's hands...not mine. 

 

P.S. I'm sorry this sort of evolved into a sporadic sort of rambling rant, but hopefully you gleaned something from it? *uneasy smile*

 

Slips and Petticoats

We focus so much on what others see, that we don't really talk about the nitty gritty of clothing.  So, that brings me to slips and petticoats.

I love my slips.  I have a longer (mid-calf one) for longer skirts and then a knee-length one for shorter skirts. Not only do slips make thinner skirts no longer see through, they help them hang nicer.  

Slips come in two styles: full and half.  Full slips are basically a tank top and half slip in one piece.  They work great for dresses that tend to cling or are see through.  

The half slip is looks just like a plain skirt with an elastic waist.  They come in a variety of lengths and are super easy to whip up yourself.  In the winter, wearing a flannel lined slip keeps you quite warm.  

Most slips are made of rayon, but you can find some made of cotton (Etsy is a great place to find cotton slips).  Cotton slips are great for hot, muggy climates, while flannel-lined slips are great for keeping warm in colder climates.

1950's petticoat (poodle skirts anyone?)

Petticoats are a little harder to find and once again Etsy is a great place to find them.  Petticoats have been around for centuries.  They started gaining popularity around the 1600s to help the wearer achieve the small waist fashion.  The petticoats were elaborately decorated and worn under split skirts.  

During the early/mid-1800s multiple petticoats were worn to create a full skirt, especially for dancing.  Then during the Edwardian era slender skirts became more popular, so the number of petticoats worn at once decreased.  In the 1950s, petticoats became popular with teenage girls especially with poodle skirts.

Petticoats are slowly making a comeback.  Today, petticoats are typically worn under bridal and formal wear to create a full skirt appearance and are made of a variety of materials (cotton, tulle, etc.).  You can wear petticoats under everyday dresses or jumpers for fuller skirt, plus they are a lot of fun to twirl around with =)

All images via Pinterest.

 

A Story of True Beauty

Sherry went to high school during the ‘70s in Artesia, New Mexico. She wasn’t an overly pretty girl. She wasn’t ugly; she just didn’t fit the world’s idea of beautiful. She had freckles, a round face, and while Sherry wasn’t fat, she was big boned. She had a stocky, more masculine looking figure. Over all, Sherry was just kind of plain and ordinary.

You might say, “Well, she must not have been very popular!” But this was hardly the case. You see Sherry may not have been the prettiest girl on the block, but she was vivacious! She was fun! The guys like her; the girls liked her. She had her share of dates though high school. The reason was as simple as brownies and ice cream! Sherry chose to be beautiful on the inside. She kept herself clean and neat, but she didn’t make her outward appearance her main focus. She didn’t spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find just the right outfit to make her look slender; she didn’t hide her freckles under layers of foundation, or spend all her allowance on hair products. She simply decided she was going to be happy with the way Yahweh had made her, and see that she was as pretty as she could be on the inside.

Sherry had a classmate named Vicki. Vicki was a cheerleader. She had a clear complexion, beautiful blond hair, and a super model figure. She had everything: guys, friends, attention; you name it, she had it. Don’t think that because of this Vicki was a snob, she wasn’t. She was a nice girl, people liked to be around her, but her beauty was earthly. She didn’t realize that she needed more than just good looks to get through life. She didn’t know that her own choices would decide if she was popular or not, regardless of whether she looked flawless or if she was fat and had pimples on her face.

Let’s fast forward a few years. My dad, the person who told me this story had gone away to college, met and married another beautiful woman and later moved back to Artesia. One day he walked into a laundromat to see a young woman, grown old before her time doing laundry for several small children. Her name was Vicki. He remarked to me that this woman who had once been one of, if not the prettiest and most popular girl in school was now simply ugly.

Vicki had loved a good looking, popular football player who also seemed to have everything. Not long into their marriage she found that not only was he lazy and irresponsible, but he was violent and dangerous. Finally he had left her for another woman and she was now trying to provide for her 3 young children alone. She had chosen to focus on outward beauty instead of cultivating inward beauty and growing in wisdom. Her choices continue to effect her today.

Later he was shopping in another store when a gorgeous brunette walked in the door! It seemed like the whole place lit up the moment she entered! Sherry had grown more and more beautiful as she got older because she made the right choice.

After chatting with her, my dad found that she also had married. Her husband was not as popular as Vicki’s; he was an ordinary, hardworking, farmer’s son. My Dad had never met this man, but he could plainly see that Sherry was happily married to someone who must have been, and still is a wonderful man!

 

This is a true story and one that happens all the time. May we be like Sherry and seek the true beauty that comes from serving Yeshua!

"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."-1 Peter 3:3-4

 

 

Flirting

Today I'm going to talk a little bit on flirting. Ya know, that simple little, harmless thing, that seems to easy to do when there's a cute boy around? Guess what. It isn't harmless.

 I'm sure just about every girl here has flirted. It can be hard not to... it is in our nature. And a lot of people push flirting off as being just harmless fun. But if you look deeper into it... I looked up flirting through Google definitions, and this is what I came up with.

 1. Behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions: "it amused him to flirt with her".

2. Experiment with or show a superficial interest in (an idea, activity, or movement) without committing oneself to it seriously.

 After reading those definitions, does flirting sound like something we, as daughters of God should involve ourselves in?

 Don't get me wrong. I've probably been guilty of this myself. But I don't want to be someone who plays with a guy's emotions just for fun. I want to be a friend, a sister to guys, until I'm ready to start courting. This also goes back to inner modesty. With inner modesty, the Lord can help us not to do this.

 In my eyes, flirting can be a mean thing. As I said, you are playing with a boy's emotions with the little actions you do. I'm not saying twisting your hair, and giggling is bad. But depending on the attitude behind it, and the batting of the eyes... We do not want to be like the strange woman mentioned in Proverbs.

 ^"For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:

 But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

 Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell."

Read the entire passage here - Proverbs 5:3-23 

 Guys can be wonderful friends, and great friends in the Lord as well. Let's be an encouragement to them, as well as ourselves.

 I'm not trying to judge anyone. I hope this has been an encouragement to everyone, and that we all will strive to not be stumbling blocks to our brothers in the Lord by flirting, or leading them on. God bless you all. If you have any questions, or I haven't explained anything clearly enough, just ask in the comments. :)

What Do Your Eyes Say About You?

 

In the last several weeks, numerous young ladies here at APOC have discussed what true, inner modesty and beauty is, and how it can manifest on the outside.

 

And, following that line of thought, I have a question for you. What is the first thing you notice when you look at another person? When you're talking to someone else, where do your eyes naturally drift to?

 

The eyes have been called the window to the soul, and rightly so.

And they're what we're going to talk about today.

 

The human eyes.

 

Eyes are one of the main body parts mentioned in Scripture. Eyes are our window to the world around us, and how we visualize reality. Without our eyes, we wouldn't be able to enjoy the myriad of beauty of our world...from the bright greens and blues found in forests and the sky above us, to the vivid yellows and reds found in the insect and animal realm.

Our eyes let us partake in an incredible visual experience daily. They truly are an amazing blessing given to us by Jehovah God. Personally, I try to thank Him for the gift of sight each day.

 

Have you ever heard the saying which says that sometimes you don't have to say anything, you can just communicate with your eyes alone?

 

 

 

 

 

It's so true that it doesn't even need to be said to be recognised. We all communicate immensely with our eyes, whether consciously or unconsciously. We might give nasty looks when somebody says something we don't like. We might narrow our eyes skeptically, or open them wide in surprise.

 

Flirting is usually done mainly with the eyes.

 

Joy can practically radiate from the eyes; just as sadness, pain or discouragement can be manifested through a downcast look, without any effort.

 

 

How does one lust? With their eyes. (Matthew 5:28)

 

So, as you can see, the eyes are vital in displaying many of the uncountable human emotions we feel each day. We use our eyes to judge and discern. And like anything else, we can use them either for good, or for evil.

 

 

 

That brings me to how the eyes connect with modesty and glorifying God.

 

A girl/guy could be dressed totally modest and appropriately, but have immodest eyes.

 

What do I mean by "immodest eyes", you might be wondering?

 

It doesn't have anything to do with excessive make-up, although, that can play a part in the topic.

 

Ultimately, it has everything to do with your heart, and your mind. You, on the inside. If you have a cheerful, joyous spirit, it will come through in your eyes. If you are angry or discontented, it will seep through into your eyes. It will become visible through them, unless you attempt to hide it.

 

If you are trying to grab the attention of the opposite gender, it will show in your eyes. This doesn't apply merely to girls and women. Guys can flirt/be immodest with their eyes just as easily.

 

In Scripture, immoral women have been described as having flattering lips, smooth words and alluring eyes/eyelids. 

 

Proverbs 6:25 "Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids."

 

 

This verse is a prime example. We don't see anything in Proverbs or any other Biblical book for that matter which describes a man committing sin with a woman because of her other body parts. It is always described as having to do with the face. The eyes, and mouth in particular. Obviously people can and do have lust problems with the other body parts, but I find it interesting how God doesn't focus on that. He instead points out the danger of a woman who allures with her eyes.

 

Look at a lot of photos in secular magazines. Most of the models have a seductive look, just in their eyes alone. You wouldn't even need to see the rest of their bodies to know that they are trying to be "sexy" and sensual. Now, cosmetics do have a lot to do with this. Most ladies throw on WAY too much eye make up, not only making them look more seductive but also detracting from their natural beauty.

 

I personally really like using my natural mineral eye shadows from Madison Street Beauty.  I don't wear them very often, usually for something more formal like my dad's conferences or church events. I always am careful to not overdo it., and the one time that I did, thankfully my mom helped me become aware of the fact. Make-up is totally okay in my opinion as long as it's used in moderation. And, as long as you don't start relying on it like a crutch...or start feeling naked without it. Then you're getting into ungratefulness with how God made you!

 

 

I am regretful to say this, but I have been inappropriate with my eyes before. And I wasn't wearing make-up, either. I have used my eyes to get attention from guys, in the past. I am not happy to tell y'all that it worked.

 

Girls, don't underestimate the power of your eyes!

 

You can tell so much about yourself just through them. Your eyes can radiate with cheerfulness and you can shine like the sun, reflecting the Son. You can let them drip with a sultry unthankfulness, or burn with a frustrated, angry spirit. Or, you can use them to tempt the opposite gender, pulling the attention away from God and to yourself.

 

It's your choice.

 

What do your eyes say about you?

 

 

What Is "Lady-Like"?

 

 Checking APOC mail in my inbox, I found a note from a young lady requesting help on knowing what "becoming a lady"is.  Here is what she said:

 

 

Dear A Pinch Of Classy,
After about a year of struggling with it and living on the border, I've decided it's time for me to become a lady. What do you suppose that entails? I've worn skirts for a long time, and my casual is the same as my Sunday clothes, so my dress style I don't think needs to change. For me, it has so far meant running up stairs one step at a time as opposed to two, and not wrestling with my brothers (though I still race them). I think I'm missing something, though. If you would please pray about it and post a reply, I'd be most appreciative. I'll pray about it too.
Sincerely, A New-found Lady  

 

 

Well, New-Found Lady, first of all, that is an excellent question!  I am glad to hear you want to become a lady and want to know how to carry yourself like one.

 

For centuries women have strived to be "lady-like".  Only until the last 50 years in particular has this striving deteriorated greatly from society. 

 

Whenever I hear the term lady-like, I tend to automatically associate it with being classy, and possessing a sense of modesty. I think these three go hand in hand with each other perfectly.

 

So what does it mean to be a "lady?" What does it mean to be "lady-like?"

 

The 1828 Webster's dictionary describes the word lady in this manner.

 

LA'DY, n. "A woman of distinction. Originally, the title of lady was given to the daughters of earls and others in higher rank, but by custom, the title belongs to any woman of genteel education."

 

LA'DY-LIKE, a. "Like a lady in manners; genteel; well-bred."

 

What does genteel mean? From the same 1828 Webster's dictionary:

 

GENTEE'L, a. 1. "Polite; well-bred; easy and graceful in manners or behavior..." 2., "Graceful in mein or form; elegant..." 3. "Decorous; refined; free from anything low or vulgar..."

 

I think genteel sums up "lady-like" pretty well.  A true lady is in essence, a true woman. Feminine, graceful, never given to partaking in anything crass, crude or vulgar.  Refined. Thoughtful of others.

 

You asked how one can become a lady, and what this entails.

 

I am speaking from my own personal opinion when I say that being lady-like is far more than just carrying yourself like a queen and never laughing at rude jokes.

 

You said that you have worn skirts for a long time and don't think your outfit choices are what need changing.

Quite honestly, I personally do not believe skirts automatically define you as a lady. I have seen young women who wear long skirts and act like childish little girls instead of true ladies. I have been one of those young women, myself. 

 

 If you would like to become a lady than you need not focus overly on your clothes because that is not the core of what being a lady is. Yes, your choice of apparel has everything to do with the topic, but it is not what is most important.

And for the record, I think pants (as long as they are modest) are totally fine and that you can still be a lady in pants. (Even though I have always felt classier and more lady-like in skirts and dresses, personally.)

 

 You also said that "For me, it has so far meant running up stairs one step at a time as opposed to two, and not wrestling with my brothers (though I still race them)."

 

As a sister to 4 younger brothers, I can completely relate with you here. *smiles* In fact, a couple months ago even I wrestled with the eldest one who is 13. I used to wrestle and fight him pretty frequently, but now I have generally stopped wrestling with Will because, obviously, it isn't very appropriate given the ages we are both at currently, with him going through puberty, especially.
However, we still box sometimes and chase each other around the house doing poke wars.

I don't think that being lady-like means you can't ever do anything physical. Actually I greatly detest that line of thinking because...well, honestly, it's no fun! If you are still in your childhood/teen hood/in a situation where you can still run around with your siblings, than I would highly suggest you take advantage of it while it's still there. It is a gift, and as you grow up, it will eventually be gone.

Now, when I jump on the trampoline with my brothers, I make sure that I wear something adequate. Pants and a shirt which don't fly up revealingly, or a skirt with something underneath it. When I run, I follow the same rule. (You can get other ideas for what to wear while doing these kind of activities here)

So, in conclusion to whether or not you should run two steps at a time down the stairs or wrestle with your brothers, and how this affects your being a lady; I would say that depending on you and your brothers' ages, the wrestling probably isn't very lady-like. If you are in your early teens, or your brothers are much younger than you, than it might be alright. (Depending on what you wear and how rough you get!) But if you are like me, a 17 year old girl, and your brother is like mine, entering puberty, I would advise against it.

The stairs-issue? I'll admit that I still do the double-step thing sometimes. ;) Once again it totally depends on where you are and who you're with, as well as what you're wearing.

Being a lady can range from how you sit on the couch to how you walk, and how you carry a conversation. It really goes hand in hand, as I said earlier, with being modest and classy.

Want to act like a lady? Never do anything you wouldn't think is appropriate or becoming for someone your age and gender. Hold your head highly but don't look down your nose at people.
Stand up straight, and don't slouch. I have been told that I looked regal when I did this. (Even though obviously I don't do things just to be told I looked 'regal'!)

Ladies speak with purpose and clarity.

Ladies think of others before themselves, and strive to be selfless and generous with their time, possessions and abilities.

These are just a few things which I believe come with being a lady. As I said, it is a very subjective matter. While there are certain absolutes, e.g., ladies never flirt or wear clothing which flaunts their bodies, ssometimes, what might be good for one person is totally wrong for another, and vice versa.

My mother is a true lady. I have learned so much from her, and I'm sure you can probably do the same with your own mother or even grandmother. Look around you for examples of being truly-ladylike.


If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask! I hope this helped you and was encouraging to you. I would definitely suggest to continue praying about it.

I pray constantly that God would help me to flourish into a Godly, on-fire-for-Him woman. A real woman. I think this is a very important thing to strive for, even far above being "lady-like", because lady-like is more of a surface issue and being a Godly woman is more internal, a matter of the heart.


Hope you're having a blessed day!