Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Sick of Waiting (and worrying)

Okay, so I'm guessing some of you might be a little worried about the title today. Did it get you wondering about the content to follow? I mean, it sounds pretty negative, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does. And I usually don't like to use conclusively derogatory sounding titles. But for the last several weeks, the idea for this post has been lingering in the back of my head. And so I finally decided to stop being lazy and actually write it. And what can I say, this particular title seemed to fit best.
Let's face it.
 I'm sure most of us have heard the whole deal about "waiting for your true love". And I'm sure most everyone reading this blog agrees with the Biblically-founded moral system which makes it clear that people should remain pure until marriage, and that marriage is meant to last until death. 
Marriage is a sacred union; a covenant between the husband, wife, and God. Throughout Scripture, we find where terrible things happened to those who misuse or abandon it. I personally think that sin pertaining to this area is worse than sin such as stealing, lying, etc. Even though those are still forms of wickedness, their consequences/affects on other people can be lesser than that of sexual sin.
For example: Stealing a car vs. committing adultery. They're both wrong, of course, but the latter will hurt more lives, long term.
All sin is evil and to be avoided. However, some do come with heavier prices.
That doesn't really have a whole lot with what I aimed to write about today, but I just wanted to remind you all of the seriousness of the matter. Marriage is nothing to be taken lightly. Not that I know anything really about it; since I'm still single. But just look through God's Book.
He gave us a beautiful gift to enjoy a special sort of love. And that special sort of love was only meant for one other person here on earth - one's spouse. In this case, your future husband, ladies.
So then how should one handle the matter before marriage or courtship?
At age 13, I wrote a poem called "I'm Just Waiting."

I'm sorry, but yes,
I'm already claimed.
Already got myself somebody special,
Right now I'm just waiting.
Someday, somewhere,
I'll find my somebody special.
My knight in shining armor.
Right now I'm just waiting.
I'm set aside,
I'm set apart.
Right now I'm just waiting.
For him, I'm saving my heart.
I'm praying that the Lord
will bless my somebody special,
Protect him and guide him,
until (and after) the day we meet.

Skimming over this, yeah, I still hold to this promise of abstinence and emotional purity until marriage. I'm still saving my first kiss for THE guy. I've learned to really take emotional purity serious ever since I experienced some hard lessons as a younger teen, concerning giving your heart to somebody prematurely. (Crushes, lust, etc.) And honestly, it all starts with the heart. If you let your heart stray, you're already going down a slippery slope and sin is a the door.
It all starts with the heart.
"Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life." Proverbs 4:23
But is it more than just waiting?
I've always thought it was a matter of "keeping your eyes open" and waiting, watching. Yes, keeping productive, not just sitting around during your single years 'waiting for life to happen.'
Nonetheless. There seems to be something more to it than just this. 
It seems that, with the 'waiting' mentality, life seems to become a bit full of doubt and fear that perhaps this, perhaps that...what ifs...
What if...you're not supposed to get married? What if....maybe you never find that special dude?
What if this, what if that.
It's easy to get a little desperate even. I'll admit, I've allowed myself to get wrapped up in concern over it at times.
 You meet a guy that seems halfway decent and the first thing that crosses your mind?
"Hm, could he be the one? Maybe I should talk to him...?"
It's not wrong to wonder this, and I think it's a completely natural instinct. The key is, how much time you spend thinking on this sort of thing. It's so easy for this notion to become a self-centered one. Or, simply fear-based.
God's Word is very clear on fear, and states simply: don't succumb to it.
And, another thing. If you're like me, you're still young. I'll be 18 in January. Yes, women have been getting married at that age and earlier for centuries, but that doesn't mean it's the 'must' for each individual person. Unless I see a direct sign or direction from God on the contrary, I still think I'm a bit green for marriage yet.
However, I don't think one is ever truly 'ready' for marriage, as in, completely 'wisened-up' and prepared.
 We can prepare and store up wisdom to an extent, but we're always learning more. (hopefully, if you have the right mindset and a heart for learning) However, wisdom dictates that a couple shouldn't marry until they have matured to a certain degree, and possess a certain degree of responsibility. And in this society, maturity is coming later and later, if at all.
Gosh, I'm rambling today aren't I?
Okay. *takes a deep breath, tries to get back on topic*
I guess what I'm trying to get at is, if you're worried about finding your special someone, stop it.
Stop worrying.
If God wills it for you, it will happen. End of story.
Waiting is a word of stagnancy.
 While, in the sense of purity it's almost always implied to be good, it can easily turn into a means to create uninvolved, fear-ridden young women who are a bit on the desperate side to find their Superman.
Personally, I don't feel this is where I want to be.
I don't want to be the antsy young woman who acts like a feeding-frenzied shark whenever a young man enters her sight.  I don't want to be consumed with fear of the unknown, constantly wondering 'what if'.
 There's a reason for everything, and I know this is all in God's plan. Truth is, what's so bad about being single, anyway? During these adventure-filled years of my life, I have been given so many opportunities. Chances to point people to God through a wide variety of skills, abilities, and connections, and of course, the time to do it all.
In short, I am loving this season of my life. God is exceedingly good to me.
If He has it in His will for me to get married, wonderful! If not, wonderful! Instead of dwelling in the 'waiting and worrying' mentality, I strive to use my time wisely and productively. Learning new things every day, strengthening relationships with the people in my life, and drawing closer to my Maker.
I'm no longer "on the lookout" for a mate. Let's be honest, that involves way too much stress and energy! Which I'd rather spend on something a bit more productive.
No, I've learned that when I try to take things into my own hands, the end result is always inferior, messy, and quite often a flunked attempt. I'm pretty sure this could apply to every aspect of my life, including the 'romance' side.
So in conclusion?
I'm leaving my love story in God's hands...not mine. 
P.S. I'm sorry this sort of evolved into a sporadic sort of rambling rant, but hopefully you gleaned something from it? *uneasy smile*


  1. You said not to worry about finding somebody, but what if you can't help but do it?

  2. I know you said not to worry about waiting to meet somebody special, but what if you can't help it?

    1. Worrying is something we all do. Don't kill yourself over it though if you are naturally a bit concerned. Just "keep your mind on the things of Christ", and everything else should fall into place.

  3. I think you should see a therapist or some form of non-religious counselor. The idea that one's virginity and such define one's worth is an antiquated and terribly patriarchal belief which has been used for centuries to dis-empower women. Honey, if you like a guy that's a perfectly natural thing at your age. Heck your hormones are literally TELLING you to be attracted to men and have crushes. You come off as if you're afraid of it, everyone gets hurt, its a fact of life. I'm obviously not saying you should throw yourself at men, and the idea of preserving your virginity is fine as long as it's not driven by a sort of guilt. You're almost 18, your hormones are going absolutely nuts, you can deny it if you want but i've got life experience and quite a bit of higher education backing me up here.

    Anyway, my point being; God gave you free will and He gave you these feelings, no shame in it. Living in denial of these feelings can put you in a really uncomfortable mess emotionally and psychologically once you're older and do find your "Mr.Right" because you know what? He may not be right and only having experienced real feelings for one person can (and frequently does) cause an individual to be overly attached to that person and in many ways the relationship can become very codependent, on both sides. What if you two are fine for a while but he develops some nasty habit like alcoholism or God forbid he hurts you? If he's the only person you've ever really "loved" then you'll be in no state to leave... Just think big picture, maybe read up on some psychology related to the subject and pair that with your theological ideals so that you have a better understanding of how feelings and relationships really work.

    Best regards and have a blessed day, C.J.T. BSN/ B.S. Psychology

    1. Anonymous, thanks for sharing your opinion. My response to your comment is this: the bottom line is, it matters where you put your heart and mind. If you focus on Christ with your entire being, you shouldn't have to think about "codependent relationships" and worrying if "Mr. Right" is going to be abusive/not right and all that. Yes, my hormones are going crazy, and I'm not ashamed of that...More annoyed, than anything else. However, I'm not going to let my /hormones/ control who I let myself become, and if I did I'd be a nervous wreck.
      As to the bit on purity, I see preservation of purity as a matter of dignity, not 'driven by a sort of guilt.'
      I'm planning for a life-long marriage, and no, I don't want to be in a state 'to leave'. It's all in God's Hands, and that's all that matters.

  4. Leah, I absolutely loved this post. I'll be eighteen in the spring and although I don't feel ready for marriage, most of my friends were engaged/about to get married at that age. It definitely draws the "what if" questions to the forefront and sometimes I find myself sick and tired of the wait and worry. This post was a wonderful reminder that I don't have to worry, and that I should enjoy my single years and use them to serve Christ.

  5. Hi Leah!

    Great post. I absolutely loved it and agree with everything you said. I am 16 right now and do have a while to go, but sometimes I do wonder, dream, and worry. My encouragement comes straight from the Bible, as well as friends and family. God, multiple times tells us to not fear, or be of good courage, and to trust in Him. Our futures are in His hands and He has the perfect man for us whether he comes along later rather than sooner. :)

    I also really liked your poem. Waiting for Mr. Right can be nerve-wrecking, but in the long run I know that it is going to be a blessing worth waiting for. Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Wow, God holds my future in His hands, and He has the perfect man for me." It's easy to look at other guys and think, "Well, is he the one?" But we need to step back and remember Who is the BEST matchmaker!? OUR GOD! :) It's pretty amazing.

    Purity: such a beautiful thing. And no matter what other people say, purity is pleasing in the sight of the Lord. When He sees His daughters striving to be modest, pure, and lovely, He is blessed. From a young age, it has been my desire to be pure inside and out. One of my weaknesses is being a man pleaser. But then I have to remind myself that I need to be a God pleaser. The world will look at my purity and laugh at it, but God will look at it and bless me for it. Not only will God notice me, but my reward will be great. Of course, our goal should not only be for the reward, but it should be to ultimately glorify God. Our purpose on earth is to glorify God in all that we do.

    I think I'm rambling to, but oh well, we'll ramble together! :) I love reading about girls close to my age whose desire is the same as mine. Let's wait patiently together and see what the Lord's plan is for our future! It will be so exciting when it comes.

    Many blessings,
    Sarah Soine

    p.s. you can visit my blog at sarahsoine@wordpress.com

    1. Thank you for the sweet and truthful comment, Sarah!

  6. Leah there is so much truth here it's bananas and be sure you (and all girls for that matter) are not alone. I remember being 16 and being all like "God when do I get married" and Him convicting me like "Chard you're 16 calm down" lol But really it is a struggle, being 18 now (going on 19 this year) I have come to know God deeper and more and more as I allow God to shape me with wisdom I feel He's slowly making me the man He wants me to be, who can be the husband and father some girl out there is praying for. The best cure for waiting to me is purpose, focusing on God and His will is greater even than testosterone and to me brings peace for the years (or so I feel God's told me in prayer) to come.