Monday, February 3, 2014

I Have a Confession...

 So, I have a confession to make. I'm not perfect. Far from it, in fact. I'm totally not the best qualified to give anyone advice. But thankfully God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. In case you're wondering why I've brought this up, I want to tell you a little story.

 When I was younger I always said I wasn't going to get involved with boys until I was ready for marriage. And I stuck by this... for the most part. You see, I thought it was okay to like boys, and talk about them. I'm not just talking about mentioning that a boy is cute, but I'm talking about seriously /liking/ them.

 When I was younger I had this problem... maybe two times. And I think I might have been happier if I hadn't cared so much about liking boys. I'll just talk about one specific episode that happened a couple of years ago.

 I had outgrown the "Oh he's so cute, I like him" stage, but somehow I was still liking guys. At least... one guy.

 There was this guy. A lot of people probably wouldn't have guessed I liked him. Most didn't consider the handsomest or anything of that nature, but I really liked him because of his personality. He liked some of the same stuff I liked, and he was nice.

 I went so far as to try to become his friend because I liked him. To me, friendship should be an honest desire for friendship, nothing more. But I liked him, so I tried to spend more time with him and have the opportunity to talk to him more.

 I knew that I wouldn't be more than friends with him, because I had already decided to court, but I figured things would be fine anyway, since I heard he wanted to take that route as well.

 But it was as I was trying to get closer to him in friendship that I realized something.

 I was a third wheel. You know, when they talk about third wheels in movies and stuff... that person that's the odd one out. That was me. Somehow I was trying to ignore the fact that this guy was smitten with another girl. An older, sweet girl, who all the guys seemed to be smitten with.

 It wasn't till later that I realized how silly I was being. You see, he was (and is) a nice guy. But I shouldn't have ever been thinking that way. For one thing, I have no idea who God has planned for him to marry, and there I was trying to needle my way in... for what? Things couldn't progress past friendship.

 I've somehow gotten to the place, with the Lord's help, where liking guys is something I try not to consider anymore. When someone asks if I like someone, I say something along the fact of... "I'm not really into guys right now." Sometimes I explain my reasoning for avoiding the dating pool.

 Does this mean I never think of a guy as being nice, or think he's nice looking? Of course not. It just means that I've solidified my desire to wait for that one guy... That special person that God designed specifically for me. And even though I know the road could be long and tiring, I know he's out there somewhere.

 God is always faithful. So don't be discouraged. And maybe learn a little lesson from my experience in the matter... which isn't much. But remember that God has a plan for you, and it is more exciting than anything you could decide for yourself! (Update: This post is not meant to say you can't like guys. That was not my intent. But you can like guys /too/ much and that was the point I was trying to make. I didn't go too far in my liking of this fellow, but I think it could have, and I maybe shouldn't have even liked him as much as I did. Maybe I should have prayed for him instead.)


  1. Bethany,
    I don't think that liking a guy is wrong. You can't help your feelings. However, obsessing over boys is wrong. Don't try not to feel anything toward boys, just be careful about your thoughts. Just my opinion:)
    -<3 Khloe Grace

    1. Hey Khloe. I don't think this way anymore. And I don't particularly think it's wrong to like a guy... but I was a bit obsessive in these cases. I wanted to post this here to share what I struggled with in the past.

  2. Loved the post, Bethany! I found myself doing the same thing a few times when I was younger. Now it's just so nice to sit back and actually enjoy being friends with a boy for the true sake of friendship and not just because I like them. Although I will admit there's one special guy...but I'm letting the Lord take care of that. If I tried doing anything about it I'd turn it into a huge mess to be sure. :P

    1. Haha oh Sierra, I know what you mean! I'm so glad God is around to keep us on the right track. I'm praying for that situation. Praying for the guy is the best thing you can do! :)

  3. I like what Khloe's okay to like boys. At least until it becomes something you are obsessed over! But liking boys is completely natural. God gave us ladies that natural feeling towards guys. Thank the Lord for that! But, yes I agree. We still need to keep our heart pure before the Lord without giving any pieces of our heart away to random guys. I read this book "Before You Meet Prince Charming" by Sarah Mally. It's a great book, by the way!! I've read it about 5 times. :)

    But anyways, she talked about how our heart is like a cake. It's decorated beautifully and we are waiting for the right time to serve it. But all of a sudden a friend sneaks over and takes a slice and ruins the cake. Now the beautiful cake is ruined because there's one slice taken out of it. That's our heart. If we allow our heart to be vulnerable, then pretty soon many pieces of our heart will be stolen!

    As Christian girls, it is entirely worth it to wait to serve the ENTIRE cake to the one and only man God has in store for us. That future guy will also be so pleased to know that we saved our cake for him. Now, I'm not saying you have given any piece of your heart away, but some girls do. Knowing that a certain guy is not the one, but still going out of their way and against the Lord's will to befriend him, can cause a lot of damage. That's where we need to be careful.

    Liking guys, I would say, is NOT giving away pieces of your heart. It's normal and its what us girl feel. :) Also, I've heard this before (and maybe you have to), that we need to act like our future spouse is in the room. Ouch! Even more, we are supposed to act as if Jesus Christ Himself was in the room! :/ And yes, I believe us ladies are supposed to attract a spouse, but we are supposed to do it with all modesty, humility, and it needs to be the beauty of our heart that does all the attracting.

    Well, I think I went off on a tangent there, oops! I hope my rambling helped. :) But great post! It really got me thinking and I believe I learned something. Thank you and God Bless!

    Sarah Soine

    1. Hey Sarah! These are all valid points... and don't worry. I think my heart is safely secure with Jesus right now. This post wasn't meant to tell girls "You can't like guys or you are sinning." It was meant to say that sometimes liking a guy can be detrimental. For example, what if you were liking a guy, and inadvertently showed it... and there was another guy interested in starting a courtship relationship with you, but noticed the guy you constantly had your attention on, and he never even had the chance to talk to you. I know one can't help the natural inclination to like guys, but we can work to keep our hearts and minds pure by not dwelling on them in a way that isn't glorifying to Christ. Personally, I don't like to think a lot about guys because I'm afraid it would be a stumbling block, and I'd be afraid my future husband might be put off by it, especially if it was just a silly crush. So, like you said about acting as if your future spouse is in the room... I think we should hold this integrity even when we are the only ones in the room, and keep our heart chaste. I talk to my mom about guys sometimes, because, at the age I am now, marriage is on my mind. But I've personally come to the decision that liking guys, for me, isn't a good idea at this time, and I could better use my thoughts elsewhere, like doing things to glorify the Lord. I still like guys, but I choose not to dwell on them in my thoughts. :) I hope all of that wasn't too confusing.

  4. The same can be said the other way around with guys, I remember a friendship i had in high school which God told me to back away from but I disobeyed rationalizing that I was witnessing to the girl during our long conversations. I knew I was developing feelings for her but still didn't back away. Suffice to say now almost a year later I have scars on my heart to remind me of my disobedience, but thankfully God's mercy remains.