Sunday, July 14, 2013

Lies We've Been Told

Marriage is not a reward.  It is not something that you can earn or work a certain formula and then just watch it happen.  It's not a guarantee no matter how beautiful and godly and vivacious you are.

I used to think it depended on me.  That if I could lose weight, I would be pretty enough to get married...but then I saw girls larger than my 125lb frame, happily married and living my dream.
I used to think that if I could just get my daily quiet time together and make it a habit that I never skipped, then God would let me get married...and I saw girls that didn't have it together as much as I did planning their weddings.  I thought that if I could just learn to be more outgoing, then I could actually hang out with the type of man I want to marry.  But every time I met him, it fell through.  I wasn't active enough, independent enough, submissive enough....I didn't debate enough to challenge him, I debated too well and he wanted to always be right....I didn't believe the right things, wear the right things, listen to the right music....or maybe, we were just "very different".

I've tried everything and yet, they keep telling me that all I have to do is trust God and He will work it out.  Put Christ first, fall in love with Him....other women have done that and within just a short time God brought along a man and they lived happily ever after.  Don't focus on getting married, go after other goals and then your husband will miraculously appear.

The truth is, there is no formula.  There is no guarantee.  No matter how hard we work at being the perfect woman, it does not depend on us.

My life has not been strewn with roses.  I have visited heartbreak hotel like so many others before me.  I know what it's like to ache inside because no matter what you do, nothing good ever seems to last.  I know how hard it is when you love someone and they leave you.  I've been there, cried out loud from the pain and then got up and gone to work the next day as if life is wonderful.

I don't have all the answers.  In fact, I really have no answers.  There is only one thing that I know will never change, one person who will never leave and one relationship that will always satisfy and you don't have to wait on him to act because He already did.  My Jesus, my Yeshua, the King of kings, Lord of matter how many times I slip away and try other things to satisfy and fix myself, He is still there through it all.  He's the only one who can heal a broken heart, turn your tears into laughter, your ugliness into beauty, your pain into something He can use to help others and with Him, there will always be a happy ending. 

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