Friday, September 13, 2013

Dating and Princesses {Ramblings and Book Review}

Lately my mom and I have been talking more about relationships and marriage.  This is my last year being home schooled, meaning next year I'll be packing up and moving to a Christian University. I'm very excited to start taking my first steps into my adult live. Still, its a scary thought especially since these next few years will probably be the last years I spend as a single girl. (Which is also a little bit exciting, but only a little! ) Chances are in the next five years I will meet the man that will one day become my husband.  Which brings us back to the first statement.  Relationships and marriage.

Those two words have been mangled by modern society.  Relationships aren't meaningful anymore. Many marriages aren't either.  Everyone wonders why people who seemed 'perfect' together 'broke-up' or why a seemingly 'happy' couple has divorced.  These sad events aren't random they are the product of bad habits, bad choices, and ungodly attitudes.

Dating is one of the most common factors in these failed marriages and relationships. Dating opens up the door for those bad habits, bad choices, and ungodly attitudes. Lets take a look at the modern definition and meaning of 'dating'.

"The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse;  playing baseball for a home run."Here is the top definition that came up when I began to search for how we define dating. Clearly dating is neither biblical nor a good way to build a lasting relationship. Dating often strikes up relationships with complete strangers, skipping the step of friendship. Dating doesn't typically wait for marriage before a couple enters into an intimate relationship. Dating doesn't mean long term, its a game, a way to not be 'alone' even if the person you're 'with' is only out for his/hers own personal desires. Dating doesn't require commitment or honesty. Dating doesn't work.

One thing that really gets to me is that kids 'date'.  I have had four-year-old kids tell me about their boyfriend or girlfriend and how they hold hands during recess. Even worse is that the 'relationships' are encouraged by their parents. I often hear them make comments such as, "he's such a little player, he can never decide which girl will be his girlfriend for the day, its just too cute." or "she's such a little lady, all the boys are after her, and she keeps them guessing."  Excuse me, but no that sort of attitude is not okay or even 'cute' when it comes to little kids. Children should not have any sort of romantic relationship with another child, even if it is 'cute'. When a flippant attitude on relationships is encouraged during childhood why be surprised when the same attitude is still present during adulthood?

When kids are being brought up, bouncing from one person to the next, then the same thing will happen in marriage. Dating typically doesn't take relationships seriously, and if they do than usually the relationship is far to intimate. The point of forming a relationship with someone is to find your future husband or wife. This means kids and even those in high school don't need to be dating or in a relationship. Why expose yourself to unnecessary temptations and damaging emotions when you aren't even ready to get married?  Being in a relationship at a young age is damaging to your future relationships and marriage.

On the other side of the coin we find courtship. Lets see what people are saying  about courtship.

 "Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage"

 Here we find relationships holding the purpose of finding the person you will marry, which is why a relationship should be formed in the first place.  A courtship is watched over carefully and often focused around the family.  It may be kept quiet among the two families or announced in public. This allows two people usually in their late teens-single adult years to know each other better.  First comes friendship, preferably two or more years, and if the attraction is mutual the young man will go to the father as ask permission to court his daughter. In doing so the two young people are showing a commitment to each other. However, courtship holds physical boundaries. If you're intimate with someone you've just volunteered to ride an emotional roller-coaster. Things such as holding hands, kissing, and hugging muddle your senses. You're worried you will do something wrong, you're wondering how to say something 'sexy', and you're driven to complement others and lavish them with sweet nothings. Save it for marriage, please. Unlike dating where everything is fair game, courtship lays out rules, helping to keep a relationship pure, just the way God intended it to be.

Okay, well that turned out a lot longer than I thought it would be. I tend to ramble and not ever stop. Anyhow, since I've mentioned kids and the way dating affects their attitudes towards relationships I've got a book here I want to share with ya'll.

The Princess and the Kiss- By Jennie Bishop 

Yes, yes, yes. I know this looks like a little kid fairy-tale. It is and that is why this is such a wonderful book!

The Princess and the Kiss is a story about a young princess who is given a very precious gift from God- her very first kiss. Her parents keep that first kiss safe until the young princess is all gown up, when they present it to her the princess decides she will save it for the one special man God intended for her. The story follows her many suitors who come to court her. Charming young men, romantic poets, not to mention brave and daring knights come to offer their riches and display their wealth to the princess. Yet the princess is not impressed by the gems and sweet words. She longs for a Man of God- a humble man who will cherish her precious gift more than anything. One day a simple farmer asks for an audience with the princess. He first comes before the King and Queen, explaining his presence.  They are greatly impressed with  his quiet and gentile manor and allow him to speak with the princess. Humbly he explains to her that he has no riches, that he is not as strong or hansom as other men, that the only thing he can offer is a gift. The gift was a special gift- his very first kiss....

The story is beautiful as are the illustrations, but best of all is the moral behind the story. Wait, pray, and follow God. He will bring you to the person he intended you to be with. This is the perfect book to share with a little sister, niece, or even a someone you babysit. In a wold full of lies and misconceptions we all  need to be reminded of how precious relationship are.

If you want to find out more about The Princess and the Kiss or Jennie Bishops other books you can find them here.


  1. I LOVE The Princess and the Kiss. I also did a post on courting a while back. You've presented it very well, Sierra!

    1. Ah thank you, Bethany! Now I'm re-reading though it and I realize I was rambling really bad, since I'd actually only planned on the book review. This is what happens when I sit down to write a blog post while drinking coffee. I also read your post on Courting and I loved it!

  2. Have to totally agree with this post, and I think you did a great job. Being a freshman in college now I can't imagine my single days coming to an end, but this presented the reality of that.

    1. Thank you! By the way, I loved the guest post you did a few weeks ago, it definitely opened my eyes to some things.

      I start college classes this spring and I can't even imagine my single days coming to an end. The thought actually scares me a little bit. Maybe I'll manage to sneak through college without ending up in a relationship, but chances are I won't. At least I'll be going to a Christian University, so it's on the right path to finding the man God has for me.

    2. That is good, being a secular university most of my interaction with girls unfortunately involves not paying attention to what they're wearing or saying, though I have come to know many wonderful Christian girls through my campus fellowship, but for the most part I have to say I'm avoiding any romance and instead focusing on the things I feel God has for me here, of course there is that one part of you that always goes "Ok, you go on ahead and I'll be over here doing things to mess up your plan" LOL