Monday, August 26, 2013

What Say The Guys? Guest Post by Chard Phebe

 Most of my closest friends are girls.
  In spending most (if not all) of my high school social life in platonic relationships with girls, while at the same time experiencing my first wonderfully challenging years in relationship with my savior Jesus Christ I have to think I have a very different perspective on male-female relationships than most males my age.

But truly this perspective began with one completely different than the one I now hold.

Yes, I'm ashamed to say that once, my view of women was so tarnished by mass media and the incredible ease of access to sexually explicit content our modern world now provides, that by age 11, I probably thought of girls more as sex objects than human beings.
It’s scary how a girl’s outfit can and will change your entire view of how to treat her as a male.

 I took (and still do take) responsibility for my thoughts and actions, laying them at the foot of the cross when I was 13 and turning away from who I was. As a new Christian trying to obey what Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 about not looking at women with lust while fighting the influx of testosterone slowly making me a man, I often felt disgruntled by how most women (both Christian and non-Christian alike unfortunately) seemed not to care or even notice how they dressed and what it might be doing to the males around them.

Now let me make this point clear: I do believe it is a guy’s responsibility to guard his eyes, heart, and mind, if he sins by looking lustfully at a girl (no matter how skimpily clad) it’s his problem and he needs to repent and ask forgiveness for himself.

Being that I did believe this, I had to learn to bounce my eyes away every low-cut shirt, every high cut skirt, and every girl that seemed to say with her clothing “Look at me! I’m developing physically!”

Safe to say my eyes often feel like pinballs.

The funny thing was that as I was learning to discipline myself when it came to girl’s clothes, I started to notice that the girls I hung out with could be affected very similarly by what boys were wearing.

This was a wake up call.

Suddenly, I started noticing how frequently we men expose our bodies. Whether it’s a 20 foot sign of a shirtless model sporting a six-pack in the mall or guys posting selfies of their bodies on Facebook with the caption “Just back from the gym”, it's like an epidemic. At least with girls, older women and men as well as many Christian leaders made mention of modesty, yet for guys the idea of being modest seems laughable.

I don’t believe this should be. I think modesty can and should apply to all. I know the feeling of relief and gratitude I experience when a girl at church comes in dressed beautifully yet modestly.
 I feel like she knows and cares about the struggles Christian guys face and she’s saying “I know you guys are striving to be like Christ, and I’m not going to let conformity to modern fashion make me a stumbling block to my brothers in Christ.”

You can only imagine my joy at learning there are entire blogs like APOC teaching and exhorting girls to modesty.

In response to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and love for God and my sisters in Christ, I have decided to start dressing more modestly myself.
Now I know that for a guy this might not sound like much, but it has come with some pretty conscious choices: getting shirts a size larger than my size so they don’t hug while also not hanging off me, tucking my shirt (outside of school) so my midriff doesn’t show, and swimming with a shirt on (which I actually enjoy quite frankly).
 Now I’m not saying these to be legalistic to any guys who may come across this site, I’m just saying there are things we can do as guys to be modest. To me, being modest makes me feel like I care about my sisters in Christ, and also I even feel more fearfully and wonderfully made.

To all the girls out there wondering if you won’t look pretty to that special guy wearing a floor length skirt instead of jeans that look like you just painted over your skin, let me assure you, if he’s quality, he will notice you.
I’ll never forget the day in school when in a crowd of girls wearing their typical garb I could only see one girl, an acquaintance of mine who normally wore jeans, wearing a white knee length skirt (very modest in comparison to most girls at my school) and all I could think was “She looks great”.


  Chard Phebe is a nearly eighteen year old author, writer, photographer, and Bible student, as well as the second oldest of six children. He goes by his pen-name C.H. Phebe often online. Starting fall 2013 he will be studying at the University of Central Florida in Orlando, Florida as a Business Management major. In Chard's free time he likes to read, write, blog, and attend home groups/serve in his church. He prays that his writings bless the hearts, minds, and souls of every reader and that each may be an act of worship to our Lord, Savior, Creator, and First Love, Jesus Christ. You can read his personal blog at


  1. A very well written post. :) I find it encouraging that there are still guys like this in our world. I know it seems like a lot of my guy friends just don't care about modesty in general, in boys or girls. I constantly have to be reminded that they do notice.

    Thank you for the reminder and encouragement! :)

  2. This was such a wonderful reminder and encouragement. Its good to be reminded that what we wear as girls/young women effects the perspective of those around us. And thank you so much for reminding me that there are still guys out there who actually care about modesty and how they portray themselves.

    Keep up the good work!

  3. Thanks you guys, I'm flattered and honored that I could participate in the great work you guys are doing here, I hope you and all your readers are blessed, and thank Leah for allowing me to do this
    Take care and God bless you all.

  4. Thanks for writing for us Chard! It's so wonderful, and thought provoking to see it from a guy's POV!

  5. I think your a wonderful Christian and fair to both men and women on how they dress. Usually guys just blame girls ,but I am happy to see that you take responsability for your actions and thoughts. People like you are going to do very well in life.